Mine is Quite Big Enough
Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "The Legend of Bentley" journal:
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To all the friends of Matt. This is Caleb Nygaard. I am a very good friend of Matt's. I am sad to say that Matt has passed away at 1630 13Jan11. I have his cell with me and can answer any questions if you have the number. Thank you.
I have a new, healthy, strong, beautiful baby girl. I am going to fucking bed. Pics when I can focus on the screen.
We're having the baby tomorrow.
I got a job.
That is all for now. Got to get to work.
Sometimes Pithy is Where it's At.|
Cleaning out a repossessed car in exchange for a meal. Found items include: Notebook with bad high school poetry. 7 Sharpie pens: blue, black and red. Two cell phones. Baby clothes - enough for a weekend. One bottle baby formula: half full. $2.05 in change. Large pair channel locks. Formerly wet diaper. Numerous bills from work-related injury and subsequent treatment. Pervasive feeling of a life gone sharply downhill.
Oh, and the most important part. "Also found: baby shoes, never worn."
Keeping my eye on the ball|
sometimes it helps to meet someone infinitely more fucked up than you to remind you of both how bad it isn't, and how much worse it could get, but I've never been close to letting it. God, like meeting a Charles Bukowski character.
What an awesome way to maintain focus and remind myself of the importance of goals.
Your friend may be having a rough time, but he is still out there. See you soon.
I currently cannot get an image out of my head.
I'm out at a county fair. Not in this state. Walking through the pig section, looking at the huge hogs. Clean looking, I suppose. Rooting through straw. And there was one pig, nice and pink, laying on its side, probably prize enough, as if I knew what a prize pig looked like.
And a trickle of blood coming from its ass.
Pigs, to me, look already butchered. They look done, even when they're walking around. Big pork chops. If I roasted one on a spit, I wouldn't being to know where to cut.
And yes, I just ate a few pork chops for dinner. Thing is, I'm not happy with them if they're not wrapped in plastic. Why... fuck. Why do we have these things?
It will happen everywhere.|
Holy crap... how would... The Bunny Ranch... deal in a zombie story?They've got gates, outside security, bouncers...
How is it I'm the only one who thinks of these things?
No, Zombie Strippers doesn't count. That wasn't under assault.
And it should really be written with no sex. Cause you gotta be crazy like that.
"You know, the guy who kills me? I hope he does it because he hates my guts, not cause it's his job."
"Dog Day Afternoon"
Off with a bang?|
I got the email about the title, and went out. Signed the contract agreement, picked the thing up. Walked to the courthouse, asked what else I needed. Walked back down the three blocks to the bank where my car was to get my wallet and ID.
I should mention here that it's snowing and blowing, so just imagine me after I've been attacked by bags of powdered sugar. Felt good, brisk.
Got the documents, got the title. Got the fucking title. My god, I've got the fucking title. It's really over, she can't threaten me anymore.
Then I went to the other bank and checked my balance. $5,566.55. the symmetry wasn't lost on me. The fuck. I got more out of the 401k payout than I expected. It's probably closer to $4k no, since I paid the last month of bills, but it feels good to have money, to feel secure. In about an hour, I'm gonna go to Sam's and give her and her girls some peanut butter chocolate treats my mom made, because I like to share.
I... I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be alone tonight, ringing in the new year with a movie or something. It's been... you know, I'm not sure I've ever rung in the new year by kissing someone I was honestly in love with at midnight. I rang in 2000 with a six pack in the back of a gas station with a crank addict. Everything since then was Misty, and you know how I feel about her. But part of this year is supposed to be about learning to be alone, my own person, not leaning and not letting anyone lean. If that's how it happens, it'll be appropriate.
But between you and me, if I'm invited to ring in the new year with Sam and her family, there's no way in fuck I'll turn it down. I'll pay a thousand dollars to stay there, and suddenly, I can do that.
There are many things that are important in this life. Some more than others. Some are assigned more meaning than others. I'm pretty sure I can be aware of my desires and needs at the same time. These days anyway, and being able to provide for my own needs helps a lot.
. . .
Okay, reality check. Gotta do this at times. I've got enough money to keep myself, without frivilous spending, in the house for three months. This is not how we want to spend that money. Day after tomorrow is the day after New Year's. It's the new year, and we're focusing on making this new year actually New. New house, new life, new girlfriend, and yes, new job. We'll have to go out and make that happen, get some money coming in and keep things going. No more being lazy, just working. Then staying up late enough to see Sam. hehe. Heh. I've got enough for groceries, to buy food that's healthy. I've got enough to pay for cable on the nights that I'm bored. I'm able to do what I need to do, buy new boots, get gas, go to interviews, whatever. I can do this. I can make a new life for myself, without that girl dictating how it goes. I can do this.
That'll do. If you want to wish me a happy new year, the phone number's on my info page. I'll likely post if it looks like I'll actually be alone tonight. If I don't, possibly the Good Luck Fairy has smiled at me again. Not like she hasn't done that before.
"I received the title and release from [Crazy Lady's Laywer] late Friday evening. I have
them here at the front desk whenever Matt is able to stop by. No hurry. .
.everything is signed."
I'll post a pic.
And I just got the new title issued! In my name only! It's done! The agreement's signed, the title's mine, I got my 401k payout so I won't have to freak about bills, it's done! I'm free!
I shall now do the happy dance.
Holy shit, I still can't fucking believe it.
Current Location: MY FUCKING HOUSE!
Current Mood: happy
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